I have desired to share this with you all but haven’t had the time to put onto paper… so here it is now. (Better late than never, right?)
We received Lucy on Monday morning, only to find she had a limp in her front left leg. Tuesday morning we took her to into the vet to find out she had a broken leg… like, the bone was completely broken in half. He took her for the morning and put her bones back in place and put on a cast which we were told had to stay on for 20-25 days. We brought her back to the base with us and she was just whimpering and crying all afternoon… she was in such agony and completely frustrated that she couldn’t walk… she kept falling over. I was so frustrated and overwhelmed that this could potentially be what the next 3 weeks would look like. We had to help support her to walk, eat, drink, and get situated to sleep.
That night I was leading the “Foot-washing” activity that we have here (based off of Jesus washing the disciple’s feet in John 13:1-17). The night is an evening of praise and worship through singing, followed by a significant time of prayer (with music playing in the background) and then each person gets together with a partner and they wash each other’s feet. It is an amazing night. So leading up to this event I was a mess, I was so frustrated over Lucy’s situation, and felt so unprepared, and fake… my heart was not into singing praises to God when I was so sad over Lucy. I also didn’t want to leave her, I felt like I needed to be there for her.
During the prayer time I just cried out to God. I said to him that I wished we would have just put her down from the beginning, and how I still wanted to do it because it would be easier. I felt like I was going to be looking after a handicapped child for 3 weeks and didn’t think that I could, or wanted, to do it. I said to God that it hurt me so bad to see her in so much pain, and it made me want to cry every time I had to help her walk around because she would just cry the whole time.
After sharing my frustrations and pain with God I waited in silence for him. He told me a little while later, “Vicki, there are so many times when you are just like Lucy; pathetic, hurting, in pain, and in need of constant help, but I never think of “putting you down”. And though it hurts me to watch you walk through the painful situations and see you struggle and cry, I know that when you come out on the other side, you are going to be so much stronger, better, and you are going to know me better.”
I was in awe. To hear God so clearly, and have him use Lucy’s situation as the example to show me what I am sometimes… or most of the time… it was so powerful. God has been teaching me so much, but it is a completely different experience when God speaks to me. It was an amazing night. And not only that, the time that I had spent doing the activity with the team, Josh had been watching Lucy, and she began walking on her own! It was such a great night. After Josh told me that about Lucy, I felt like God has given me a little gift… a little something to say, “Don’t worry, you’re going to make it! I love you!”
God is amazing... and I just wanted to encourage you all through this... God knows what He's doing even though we can't see it the majority of the time.